Moments of Sanity from a Funny Mom

A New Venture

2011-05-25T08:52:00.000-07:00

I'm so proud of EC =} while he is home this summer he was blessed with an internship position at a counseling center in town. Yesterday was his training session and he apparently had a great time.

He had been nervous about the position because it is actually working with client and family. I told him that was a sign that he was mature enough to take the responsibility seriously and that was awesome. Having a great day of training is always beneficial to a new employee and he said all was great.

I love seeing how his face lights up when he shares all the information that he gathered and all the things that he learned in the session. The God-given passion is all over his face. I am so excited for him, this is a new venture, another step on this journey of life.

Tis the Season lol

2011-05-23T13:59:00.000-07:00

Yes, it's that time of year again...HORSE SHOW SEASON!!!!! I type in purple in honor of Amber and Sam, purple is their color. Saturday was the first horse show of the season for us =o) Even though I have severe anxiety issues (worries of trailer incidences, forgetting important tack, injuries...) I love going to horse shows.

Amber and Sam did very well, their standings were: Open Western Go-As-You-Please Jackpot 5th; Western GAYP 4th; Open Western Pleasure Jackpot 3rd; Western Pleasure Adult 5th; Western Horsemanship Adult 4th. Unfortunately, Amber believes Sam's back needs an adjustment so the equine chiropractor will need to see him. His lope was not what it usually is =o( That upsets her greatly since she never wants him to be uncomfortable...she's a good'un lol.

I was doubly blessed because EC came to the show with us. He had only been to one local show last year and said that he really wanted to see what she does and experience all that she talks about all the time. Have I mentioned that I have great kids!!! Well, they aren't really kids anymore...adult kids...yikes!

The day was sunny and that was good to dry up all the rain that had fallen the week before the show...Amber was so glad that the show was not cancelled. The April show was, this though did not upset her since she wasn't home from college yet, hehe. There are so many shows that she wants to go to this summer, we shall see how many can actually be done. There are qualifying shows for 4H (yes, it's her last year in that) and AQHA shows that she may only get to experience as a spectator. That's OK, watching is fun and educational.

Well, I better run, store list to make and groceries to get. My home is full again, if only for the summer, and that makes me happy.

Beautiful Day

2011-04-30T09:48:00.000-07:00

Oh what a beautiful day =0) it's a breezy 72* and the windows are open. I try to do all of my house work during the week so that the weekend doesn't consist of chores and nothing else. The daily to-do's aren't that bad so they were done earlier. As soon as the washer finishes I shall retreat to the hammock that has been beckoning me for days =0) Yes, today is a wonderful day.

I pray your day is blessed and peaceful. Before I run off I would like to share a bit of 'therapy' with you. I went to the chiropractor a couple days ago because I could hardly move and my arm was in tremendous pain. While he was adjusting me and explaining that I had stressed my elbows from over use he shared that a person should have no more than ten things on their to-do list daily. TEN!?! I chuckled and said that I had ten every morning before I walked out the door and that I had three daily lists working at any one time.

He said that the healthy way to achieve all of our chores without overly stressing ourselves is to limit daily lists to ten and create a weekly list that a few things can be done daily off of. He even suggested a monthly or seasonal list but to never go over the ten items per day. Then he blew my mind...at the end of the day treat yourself to something (not food). But something that rewards you for accomplishing the ten items. My reward today will be the hammock =0)

I still have to figure out how to cut the to-do's down...especially since the kids will be home from college in a week. The lists grow the more bodies present lol.

TTFN...tah tah for now...gotta love Tigger

Rainy Blahs...

2011-03-30T17:11:00.000-07:00

What a day...I know that we need rain and it is a typical event, but it's COLD! 41 with a wind chill of 37 brrrr. After tending to the horse stalls this morning I came home to clean the house, do laundry & sheets etc. When I was done I found myself looking at my screen saver lol, yes, I am special =} Seriously, Amber sent me a picture of Hawaii, black sands with a hammock tied to two coconut trees...ahhh my perfect setting. The kids know me well, they send me pictures of beaches in lovely tropical places. I fear flying so that is the closest that I shall get to these exotic WARM places. I seem strange to my friends because when they head to the beach I always ask them to bring be back sand from their travels...I do not have very many bottles of sand but the ones I do have are special to me. Now, I do not like to be dirty or feel dirty so you would think that I would not like the feel of sand, but I do. Walking on the beach is a form of therapy for me. The feel and the smell of everything that God has created is therapeutic. I stand in awe of His wondrous works of creation...I feel small when I look out at the vast ocean and grow strangely quiet when I listen to the sounds of the crashing waves....'be still and know that I AM'. God is awesome. I miss the beach for many reasons, some are selfish but also I need the beach to draw me closer to God. Well, I can be drawn in other ways, but for me the ability to seem small and in need is at the ocean. May your day be warm and may you find yourself drawn ever closer to God the Father =0)

Book Review: A Collection of Wednesdays

2011-03-24T16:30:00.000-07:00

Amy Gaither Hayes' A Collection of Wednesdays is a wonderful reflective style book best read in little snippets so as to truly reflect on how God has each of us in His ever-loving hands as we navigate this chaotic life. When the world seems to be too much and our daily tasks either too overwhelming or we question why we are in the place we are in now Amy shows the reader that everyone has those days, and God is in them all.

Found throughout the pages are the author's own poems, lessons learned and advice gained from her mother, mother-in-law, her mentor...many people she has cried out to, laughed with and learned from in her life.

An enjoyable read to see that all women have ups and downs in so many of the same areas of life, we all have the good and the stress and God is there. So in all our seemingly random life events, God has it all worked out and we just need to trust Him and find our own collection of Wednesdays.

The publisher of this book provided me with a free copy in exchange for an honest review.

Friends

2011-02-15T13:30:00.000-08:00

I don't like to use the term 'best' friend...I have friends and they are all truly wonderful. We all have friends that are closer then others in different ways, well I thought of one today. I really miss her, some say she was taken too soon, others view it as her reward...either way I really miss her...

...Alice, how do I describe the friendship I cherish with her? She has been with the Lord for over 5 months and I can still hear her laugh, see her face, and smile at the memories of our times together :) When I think of her I think of the beach first then of crochet and then photos.

Alice, even though she could not swim, loved the beach. I love the beach because I can go out in the waves and be taken away. I learned to love the beach for its sounds and smells by being there with her. I can see her in the mornings with her coffee sitting in the sand having her time with God. I remember being in Nags Head with her and she got in the pool with me and went to the 5 foot area. She was holding on to the side of the pool saying, "Sara, I trust you...I know you won't let me drown" I was so proud of her courage to get in the deep water and so honored by her trust in me to not let her drown.

I would have never known that her strength would be tested years later with cancer. Her strength proved strong, her strength was in the Lord and he carried her, with dignity through her battle. A battle that she ultimately won in being with the Lord, we may be quick to think of it as a loss, we have lost her for only a little while for we shall see her again.

I miss my friend, I love you Alice...

The Wind is Blowing.....

2011-02-14T13:08:00.000-08:00

The weather outside is wonderful!!! It almost hit 70 =o} the wind is blowing crazy though around 10-30+ mph. That's OK, the windows were open, that is until Ernie decided to spread the horse manure in the yard, lol, I quickly closed the windows! Buddy wasn't very happy to have them closed but he'll have another chance to smell the outside, possibly tomorrow.

Amber and EC have been busy/active at college. EC has always been my adventurer in rappelling and such, Amber was not as bold but did lots of sports and of course horse riding. But, both are now rock climbing! EC was certified over the summer in Maine and he asked Amber to go to the rock wall gym with him and get certified in belaying...she has a new hobby =) I think that it's wonderful that they are so daring, they definitely did not get that from me. Ernie loved doing stuff like that in the Army so it's his doing. They did some bouldering yesterday, this is where you do not have a harness or ropes, of course they both text me afterwards saying how much they loved doing that! I am content to read, cross-stitch, scrapbook, take photos...safe stuff.

Well, I better run. I have a few more things to straighten up before Ernie gets home. He mentioned something about dinner when he gets home :0) hope he meant we were going out lol. Have I ever mentioned I prefer not to cook. Have a wonderful Valentine's Day!!

Catch Up...

2011-02-01T16:18:00.000-08:00

Wow! It's February already! I haven't been on in sooooo long. I've been rather busy running from one thing to the next.

We had a wonderful Thanksgiving with three of the four home for dinner. We went to show Sherry and the boys all of the horses at Aspen Hill. Of course Amber suggested that, lol. The break wasn't long enough though and Amber and EC had to go back to college. But the end of the semester came and they were home =}

January brought another semester and leaving, it was easier than I thought it would be to see them off. I suppose this is because I knew that they both missed the friends they have on campus. I am very thankful for Christian campuses and the friends they have met from all over.

Ernie and I participated with the 21-day fast at church. God is awesome!! When we all came back together for the prayer meeting with the other churches that participated on January 30th to end the fast we had an awesome time. There were healings of all kinds. I am believing for more miracles to come from that time.

Here it is, February. I hope that the ground hog doesn't see his shadow...I know I was so happy in October about the cooler weather, but now I'm thinking of green and warmth. The rain, snow, ice and chill have been with us long enough. I long to see the bulbs we planted to show their shoots and bloom; for the grass to come back to its lovely shade of green and for the sky to loose its gloom.

There are many changes going on, God has lead me to focus on pursuing my passion for children's safety. I am currently being certified as a CASA (Court Appointed Special Advocate) for children. CASAs are a voice for children that are in the court system that have been victims of child abuse and neglect. A CASA makes sure that they let the courts, workers and all involved know the child's concerns and needs so that they do not get forgotten or over-looked in the sea of cases. There is a lot to the training and then being sworn in the Court system as an official. I am nervous, but I know that since this has been my hearts desire for years to be a liaison for children that the time is now.

I was listening to the radio today (of course) on the way home and I heard a song that was so fitting to me. The lyrics were speaking of setting aside what my plans were and relying on God and trusting Him to guide me. It said it was kind of like falling but trusting. That is the tough part for me, trust. I trust God in my heart I'm just now learning how to truly let go and free-fall with Him.

Book Review: Unlocked

2010-11-06T12:07:00.000-07:00

Karen Kingsbury's Unlocked is a powerful, heartwarming story of the power of prayer, the love of God and the reality that life can get us locked up inside ourselves. God is greater than any challenge that we encounter and as long as we trust in Him we shall see miracles happen. Throughout the pages of this wonderful book the author shows the reader that no matter our age, physical and/or mental condition or social class we are to see others as God sees them because outward appearances and behaviors mean very little. I highly recommend this book for middle-school readers through adults, it is definitely an eye-opening read that will touch your heart...have tissues =}

The publisher of this book sent me a free copy in exchange for a review

Fall gifts

2010-10-16T18:32:00.000-07:00

I don't believe that it got out of the 60's today, this makes me so happy! God is so awesome! I read in a devotion that the color change in the leaves is of no 'use'...it is a gift from God. We were given the ability to see the changes for our benefit, to see all the beauty that God has intended for us. That makes me feel special, I hope you do too.

We all need to take the time to slow down and truly enjoy all that is around us. We are all busy, believe me I know, but there is beauty for us to enjoy in everything. When I left this morning @ 7:45 for the barn there was dew on the mums that Ernie placed out front for me. I was running late, but went over to them anyway and enjoyed the simple act of 'fluffing' the dew off of them. The fragrance of mums, for me, is soothing. So my treat was to have their smell on my hands as I drove to the barn.

When I arrived at the barn there were a few more treats for me. There were 5 perfect autumn red leaves beside the van when I got out, the smell of someone's fireplace and the good morning purr of one of the barn cats. All gifts to start my day =}

The older I get the more I long for ease in many ways. This, for me, requires a lot of change. One simple thing I can do is to slow down. Simple but hard. The world will not stop if I sit and have a cup of coffee will it? I think not, and I am happy for that. Time to sit, time to think, time to reflect...

A Prayer Answered

2010-08-24T18:46:00.000-07:00

I have learned to pray. I am ashamed that a lot of the prayers that I pray are kind of general. But pray, I do. For a couple of weeks before leaving to take the kids to college I had the same prayer, "Lord give us safe travel, pave the way for us all to be safe". My idea of safe is no incidents at all...

...we all know that driving is dangerous, right? But, we don't dwell on that because we would never get anywhere. While taking the kids up North for college we were only about 35-40 minutes from our exit off the PA turnpike when I hear a familiar horn honking furiously. I look up in the mirror in enough time to see a huge rental truck decide to take EC's lane @ 68 mph! Now his car is a little 4-cylinder & it was like watching a Japanese Hornet attack a gnat!

In the split second that this took to happen it was horrible to witness, the front tire of the truck made contact with his driver side rear door and the big lug nuts caught in front of and on his rear wheel and his car was lifted off the ground. Of course, what goes up must come down, and come down he did...bouncing on alternating tires! Everyone made it to the side of the road & none of the other cars were involved.

I have been referred to as a 'momma bear' with good reason...you hurt my kids & you may not be the same when I'm done. EC, knowing this, immediately texted me when the vehicles came to rest saying he was fine but to ask the guy where he was looking? lol

My mode is 1- call 911 *just in case EC really isn't OK or to assist the guy that just hit him ;} 2- locate said individual and have a pow-wow 3- fall apart after the fact. I do my duty well, lol after the state police arrive and all paperwork is done & we are on our way, the thanksgiving prayer begins. And just for the record I did not mame or even speak harshly to the man.

I guess what I am getting at is that God does answer prayers. He just answers them in His way. My way would have been that nothing would happen up & back and God's was that He would provide the protections we needed for what was going to happen. Reality is that this whole thing could have happened quite differently and that outcome would have been horrific.

My God provides for me and I am very grateful. He alone is worthy of all my praise. Thank you Lord for all-Amen

Another Chapter Unfolds....

2010-08-18T13:21:00.000-07:00

I have been under a lot of stress lately. In 2 days I will be taking Amber off to college. EC is going too, but this is his Junior year & he is 21. I still miss him greatly but with his age I handle it better. Now with Amber...she will be turning 18 while in college and has never been gone longer than a week from home. My children are my heart and its leaving.

Today Amber was going thru all her stuff to pack and she's excited. I love to watch her talk about the clothes she is taking and the different things and why. But another part of me is in denial that she will be gone. She's my before breakfast grumpy lol.

EC's room looks like it always does...clothes everywhere, books, shoes, games...it's all organized to him =o} He'll throw it all in his car Thursday night & the mess will be cleaned up. I'll miss his mess too and all the laundry that mysteriously appears in the laundry room right before he needs to leave.

I will miss my children dearly

Rambles

2010-06-07T12:05:00.001-07:00

There has been lots going on in the past four months...where to begin.

Well, lets just do the now. Amber graduated high school...I am happy and sad. Happy for her to be entering another stage of her life and sad for me since she shall be following her brother out of state for college. Plus that leaves me home alone; that is more scary I think for me.

I have never been alone. I know that I always make comments on how it would be great to have some time alone, well now I get to have it. I know that I need it, I just don't want to sound too happy about it I guess. I NEVER want my kids to think that I don't want them around me. Make sense?

One of the Pastors preached on dreams and promises yesterday. I pray that God will restore to me dreams that I had so that I can fulfill them. Since dreams and goals are from God I don't want to let him down =}

Random rambles...I seem to be full of them. This is why I need to blog on a regular basis. LOL When i get my thoughts together more I shall return, for now it's time to decide on what I can accomplish in the 45 minutes I have before Amber's riding lesson...

Value

2010-02-16T10:37:00.000-08:00

In a small group that I go to I had a revelation...we are studying our purpose. I don't know about any of you, but I really struggle with knowing exactly what my God-given purpose is. Thankfully our leader has broken the class down into segments. The first one was a foundational two-part to get us remembering goals and such. The second one was focused on our enemy and how we give him too much credit which in turn enables us to technically sabotage ourselves. This is where my revelation occurred...

I have always struggled with my personal worth/value. Coming from a family/past where everything was conditional, this is pretty normal...well as 'normal' as a dysfunctional family can be lol. But in living the way that I did I had no healthy point of reference where life and all the important things were supposed to be. So my idea of life and my value were skewed quite drastically.

The statement, "my value hinges on only what God sees in me" opened my eyes! It is no secret that I am people-pleaser, that is not really a bad thing, what is bad is when I loose my own self to become whatever everyone else wants me to be. I need to be who God wants me to be, not what others view as my position. That moment was a major point for me. Now is the hard part...to actually be able to step out, in fear, and change.

I am the type of person that can eat the same thing everyday of my life, so having to change not only a thought process, but an action too...only with the knowledge of the love of God will this take place.

I feel freed in one aspect and total fear in another.

Lazy day ramblings

2010-01-31T13:09:00.000-08:00

The snow is so pretty, all glistening and clean looking. I have been waiting to see the little tracks that always appear...birds, deer...and all the other creatures that roam around the yard. Haven't seen any yet but they will appear. I have been wanting to get pictures of the tracks, I have a few of horse hoofs at the barn, they look really cool.

Today has been a lazy day. I did do the normal 'to-do' list, but other than that I have been mainly wandering around the house. I started a pair of leg warmers for Amber, they should be done by tonight. I will make sure of that-she has been waiting on them for a couple months :( I have chili simmering on the stove, that is a lovely smell ;)

I have finished reading a book that someone lent me...The Life of Pi, it was very good if anyone wants to read it.

I have nothing of any real importance to write, that is kind of sad, but I've been going with the flow of the lazy day routine. I'm not used to doing nothing, it feel a bit odd. Hope your day is blessed.

Purpose...

2010-01-18T10:18:00.000-08:00

So many things have been going on...so many personal revelations...God is so good! I pray that my wandering is coming to an end! I want to move forward in God's purpose, there is hope in my future to actually have one.

Nancy Ezell

2010-01-01T17:55:00.000-08:00

Nancy Ezell...do you know her? I did in high school, I remember fleeting conversations. You know how you can remember someones face and see them in a hall, near a locker, in a classroom; you really can't hear the conversation, but you remember them.

Nancy died April 25, 2009. She was 40 years old, wasn't married, had no children, loved dogs and left parents, and other members of her family.

I found out today about her death by reading up on my graduating class' Facebook page. I was so saddened by reading of her death. Now, I haven't seen or spoken to Nancy in 25 years, but knowing that she died hurt all the same.

What had she been doing in the 25 years that we hadn't spoken? What were her dreams? What was her life like? I will not know.

Make the time to keep in touch with people. I got out my yearbook and saw all the signatures with the phone numbers, all long changed, but thought, 'where are they?'. Do you ever wonder if anyone wonders the same about you?

Flying Time Again...

2009-11-28T13:41:00.000-08:00

Have I really not been on here since September? Wow, where has the time gotten to again?

Well, this Thanksgiving was a little sad for me, EC wasn't home for the first time ever. I know that I have to get used to that, but it isn't easy. I was so happy that a professor hosted Thanksgiving for him and two of his friends though. He had a wonderful time and I didn't have to worry about him traveling over the holiday. See I can find the good =}

We went to the Carneal's on Thanksgiving and had a great time of fellowship with them. Amber had fun with the girls, but still missed EC. That means that she loves him, lol. I didn't realize how much I missed spending time with them and the Zook's, I need to actually make time to spend with friends (note to self).

Usually we would have put our tree up yesterday, but Ernie worked, Amber and I went to Lynchburg (our FIRST Black Friday), I was not impressed lol. Then Amber had to work @ the barn so we went there. So needless to say the tree didn't go up. Today was a target day for it, but maybe tomorrow after church since Amber had her riding lesson today. We shall see how it all works out.

Well, I must run, the grocery list is not being made while I sit here...hope your day is wonderful.

No Nudies For the Sleep Study!

2009-09-15T15:25:00.000-07:00

Alright, let me explain...

...Last night I had to spend the night at a sleep center to be tested for sleep apnea. I really didn't want to go, but was not given any choice. I know that sounds pouty, but I kept telling the docs that I did not have sleep apnea. Anywho, most people apparently do not have to psych themselves up and 'train' for such testing, but I had to.

A week ago I had to make a pilgrimage to Catherine's clothing store near Brandermill. Now anyone who knows me knows that I loathe shopping for various reasons, so for me to willing go to buy something meant that it was a necessity. It was, apparently you have to have pajamas to participate in a sleep study! How absurd! LOL!!

OK, so Ernie helps me pick out some PJ's that he thinks I should be able to tolerate, you know ones that won't end up around my head in the middle of the night or ripped off while I am dreaming that someone is suffocating me. Yes, my mind is 'special' =}

I had to practice getting used to wearing the PJ's, don't laugh, I'm serious! The first night I thought I was going to die, but the top didn't ride up and no dreams of suffocation. So I managed the torture, much to Ernie's surprise. I have been with him for over 24 years and I have never owned a set of Jammie's so this was new to him too.

I make it to the center at 8 PM get check in and start the process of getting wired up. I had monitors on my legs, bellybutton, chest, side, neck, throat, jaws, temples, ears and all over my head! I looked like an alien! Then the heart monitor was attached to my index finger. The tech said to me after I was wired, "If you need to use the restroom in the middle of the night you have to wait for me to come in and unhook you from the machines, do you need to go now?" Well, the answer was "YES!" So around my neck the 8 inch monitor was slung and I got to potty creatively.

Now, I don't know about you but I had a hard time sleeping. The Jammie's were not the issue, let's pick one...(1) electrodes everywhere (2) tubes in my nose (3) camera on the wall (4) different pillow-yes, I forgot my own pillow. I was scared to move because I didn't want to pull anything off and have to have it re-placed and I couldn't get comfortable. I must have fallen asleep because I woke up around 11:30 with a full bladder. I finally got up the nerve to call to the tech who gladly came in and unhooked me and let me go then hooked me back up.

I woke at 5:30 AM feeling like I really had not slept. The nice voice of the tech came over the speaker that they were going to shut down the test and un-do the wires, yeah! I wondered how long I had actually slept since I vaguely remember the tech coming in a couple times to adjust things.

I got home around 7:15, changed clothes quietly to not wake Ernie and Amber, straighten up and started laundry, woke them up, made coffee and got Amber to the barn. I did end up taking a nap after lunch and felt better.

The doc called to let me know that they had scored my sleep study, I do not have sleep apnea! But I do have shallow breathing. Apparently my brain has to keep waking me up in the middle of the night to tell me to breathe, nice. So guess what? I have to go back next week and sleep again, this time with an oxygen mask on!!! I wonder how I will prep for that?!

Time Is Flying On By

2009-08-08T09:15:00.000-07:00

Wow! Where has the time gone? The last blog was when Amber went to L.A. on the mission trip! It was truly an eye-opening experience for her. God is awesome and He shows us so many things through everything that we do. I missed Amber while she was gone, but it was good for her to go and do all that she did.

I haven't been on in so long due to MANY things, but life is calming down a little, lol. EC went to camp to help out and had a great time, now he will be going again this week. Once he gets back he will only be home for a week then we take him back to college!! He is ready to return to Pennsylvania, he misses his friends from college and the 'city' life. Farmville just doesn't cut it any more.

If I stop and think about life I get a little scared. EC is in college, out of state, Amber is a senior this year...what will I do this time next year? Oh well, time will tell. I will enjoy my family now and deal with the rest later. Time stands still for no one, hold on and enjoy the ride!

One More Day

2009-07-03T06:51:00.000-07:00

Today is going to be kind of stressful. This is Amber's last full day at home before she leaves on the mission trip to Los Angeles. I am so very excited for her but also sad for me. Other than when I was in the hospital, 15 years ago, I haven't been away from her for more than 3 days while she went on Star's retreats. I truly love my children, can you tell?

I know that God is going to do something mighty with the group. I pray that it will be an awesome experience for them all. This will be a trip of 'firsts' for Amber; flight, mission trip, 'away' time. Such a time of excitement!

I'm writing in green in honor of Amber, lol. I'm really not a green person, but she is. Wednesday I took her to get a pedicure and her toes are almost this color green with a little flower motif on the big toes. It's so cute! Amber works really hard 6 days a week at the horse farm and I wanted her to have something special. I'm learning that girls need that.

Well, I need to go. The laying out, folding, packing and double checking begins now. Tonight at the pre-trip prayer/dinner everyone needs to have their luggage and carry-on with them so there is less stress in the morning when they leave, plus less stuff to stow in the van for the drive to the airport.

I'm so proud of my kids, I love them more than they know...

The Month of June

2009-06-29T18:48:00.000-07:00

Wow, it's hard to believe that there's only one day of June left! I had to blog SOMETHING before the month was out. I was sitting here thinking about why I haven't blogged this month...

...Amber works 6 days a week on a horse farm so I take her Monday thru Saturday mornings, softball practice on Monday nights, games on Tuesday and Friday evenings, church Sunday and Wednesdays, couple weddings this month, a pig roast (YUMMY), Mega Sports Camp for a week (EC helped out on this one by taking Amber with him =} thanks dude!)

What a busy schedule, and that's only the 'extras'. I have jotted down things that have come to mind over the month, hopefully I'll be able to get them on here I had the idea of a 'word-a-day' blog. Sounds kinda weird, but I may still do that.

Well, I better go. I need to make my to-do list for tomorrow, I keep putting off doing Amber's transcripts...not a good idea. Plus I need to verify that I have completed all my responsibilities for EC's college this fall. The summer is running away.

Faith

2009-05-09T05:56:00.000-07:00

There are many things that go through my mind at any given moment! I do not believe that I have ADD, lol. I know that that is a label that gets placed on everyone. No, I just have many things going on in my life and I am responsible for lots and lots of things. Some of those things, I will admit, I put on myself. I have no earthly clue of how to not do that. 'Taking care' comes natural to me.

In devotions this morning I read about child-like faith, and I realized that I have faith...just not child-like faith. The writer drew a word picture of how a little girl, riding down the road with her father asked if he thought she could touch the moon. He said no, she pondered and asked if he could. Again, the answer was no. Finally, the little girl turned to her father and said, 'perhaps if you held me up I could'. Touching, that she had faith in her earthly father that she could do what she wanted with his help.

I cannot apply that to my life. Anyone who truly knows me knows that I have severe trust issues. I have tried to find a visual or word picture to help my lack of absolute trust, not one has been found. I know that my Heavenly Father is there for me, and I know that I can do all things through Him who strengthens me. But head knowledge is a lot different than heart knowledge.

When these issues come crashing down on me I think of something our Pastor's wife said, 'sometimes you need Jesus with skin on'. Or something to that affect. It is hard to go through life without having 'skin' you can depend on and trust.

Make a conscious effort to demonstrate Jesus with skin on, you never know when you may be a healing picture to someone.

Thoughts

2009-04-20T08:17:00.001-07:00

"A time for fellowship that's sweet,
A time for sacred song,
But never is there time to treat
A human being wrong."~Isenhour

I came across this in my devotion this morning. True, very true. I do not believe that we realize how horrible we are to one another. Our treatment of others isn't only the way that we physically interact, but also how we speak. I am guilty of harming others, so what I'm going to say comes truly from the heart.

Physical abuse, I have zero tolerance for. I spent a childhood at the hand of it, in all forms, and will not tolerate it in my presence. That being said, I want to clarify that a swat on the behind is not abuse, a fist or other object on any part is. Common sense 101.

I see parents with horrid children; rude, disrespectful, disobedient, destructive, verbally appalling, the list goes on. This comes down to the parents, not being the parents, that they should be. All children will act up, it is natural. They are testing their boundaries. If parents do not set boundaries, and be consistent with them, then the whole structure collapses. Beating a child does not teach them anything positive.

We should always think before we speak. Think if what we are about to say would hurt or belittle us if someone were to say it to us. Or think HOW we are about to say something. Sarcasm is a wicked weapon. I must ask for forgiveness daily on that one~not just from God, but from the person my sharp tongue has cut.

Hurts in life make us who we are. Our choice to continue the hurt or not is our own to make. It is quite easy to carry on in the same manner that we have been raised and do the blame game. "That's all I know", "that's how I was raised", "no one treats me any better". The excuses go on and on. We need to choose to grow up, mature and move on. Easy? No. But the change will not only make your own life better, but will, most importantly show those around you that you love and respect them.

Remember, respect is earned...not just a given.

Another Project

2009-04-15T06:00:00.000-07:00

It is no secret that I love to scrapbook. I had never done one until about 10 years ago. Then I never stopped! Each child has their own life, in chronological order, safely preserved for them. I have one for family events, one for the house, all of Ernie's antique pictures of his mom and dad and family are in one, I even found enough photos to make one for Ernie of Sherry, his oldest daughter, and her sons. He has one for the fire department years and one with his Army life, and the Mission trips and projects. When I say 'one' I mean that if more pages couldn't be added another book was started. Yes, there are many scrapbooks on the bookshelf...lol

Obsessed? Maybe. I look at it more in preserving memories. We are not promised tomorrow, so why not live a life pleasing to God and preserve the memories along the way for those we may leave behind. Memories are powerful. The scrapbooks help to show that even if we remember bad times there still were a lot of good ones too.

I have a few more projects on my 'to~do' list. I am sitting here thinking of at least five! If I finish my chores today I may start on one. I have very few pictures of me when I was a child, but I have gone through and pulled all copies of pictures of my mom, dad, sister and brothers and their families. There aren't too many pictures, but I think I can make a memory book out of them.

Preserve memories...save them for a rainy day

For Me

2009-04-13T05:33:00.000-07:00

I didn't have to fix dinner last night, it was wonderful. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy taking care of my family, but no one fixes me dinner...

...After church yesterday we all went to Shoney's for brunch, I can eat breakfast @ any meal =^]. Upon returning home we all enjoyed a video that Chels and EC made on Saturday. It was great, they had an Easter egg hunt...in a cemetery. Sounds odd, but it was cool, the photography was beautiful. Then Chels shared another video that she made. We all spent time talking and such. Then I fell asleep on the couch. I know that wasn't very hospitable, but I was so tired.

I awoke to a wonderful aroma, dinner! Chels and EC had prepared it all, homemade potatoes with garlic and spices, 'vegan' sloppy joes, salad, it was wonderful and delicious! I was so touched by their gift of love. The dinner was for all, but it was done for me. Chels said that she wanted to do something nice...for me.

Ninja Kitty

2009-04-10T05:47:00.000-07:00

My ever-present Buddy is beside me as I work on line. He may be Amber's cat, but when she isn't home he usually stays close. He doesn't purr too loud, so in the quiet I hear the steady hum of his motor. So soothing, tranquil, peaceful.

Buddy is the size of a tall Boston Terrier, he may not be a dog, but he watches over the house like one. Every five minutes or so he gets up from the chair or down from the window ledge and checks on everything from others in the house to the windows to Nubby's status. I know when birds or crow are in the yard, stray cats (a definite growl!), or the meter reader. He is the Ninja guard cat, ever alert.

He won't be too happy today though, today is nail clip, ear clean, and bath day! Yes, the cats get wet in this house. They stay away until they are dry, but they appreciate it. How do I know? They don't have to constantly lick themselves.

A clean kitty is a happy kitty is a happy home...lol

A Full House/Heart

2009-04-10T05:39:00.000-07:00

EC and his friend Chelsie got in last night around 11ish. I am always so grateful to God for safe traveling mercies. We chit-chatted for a few before I headed off to bed, I'm not as young as they are, lol.

I prefer real people and I hope that Chelsea turns out to be the real person she makes to be. She tries to include Amber in the outings that she and EC do and that really makes me happy. I suppose I am leery because EC has been hurt before. I am real and expect others to be also, sometimes that is more than others can handle, but it makes my life easier.

I really don't know why I am writing about this. I suppose I'm just happy that Amber is included.

A Cat's Life

2009-04-03T18:32:00.000-07:00

We have two very unique cats. Buddy, is a 3 yr old, domestic short hair, who does not like company or any change in his life. Nubby, is a 10+ yr old, long haired manx, who loves to be touched, talked to, brushed, loved.

We rescued Nubby 9-1/2 years ago and she has expressed her gratitude ever since. One of our neighbors called one day saying that a trailer next to her had recently been abandoned and there was a cat inside crying, would we take her? Yes, then we found out that she was the offspring of EC's first cat Rascal (he was shot by hunters because he looked like a bobcat-yeah right! A bobcat with an orange collar!) Anyway, she tolerated the bath and clipping, never hissing. She is a gracious lady.

Now Buddy on the other hand is a typical spoiled child! He was a Christmas gift to Amber from one of her friends a couple years ago. He looks very close to Amber's first cat, Smalley. But unlike Smalley, Buddy is very temperamental. He is not mean, quite the opposite, but he lets you know that his way is the only way. He is very smart, plays fetch with his toy mice or his little rubber ball.

These cats lounge, sleep, eat, clean (themselves), and create a sense of peace. People who do not like cats usually do not understand them. They are very intelligent, and also pick up on emotions. They are there to give you comfort, of course on their own terms, but just their quite presence sets a mood of tranquility.

I love our cats, they may shed and I have to vacuum more, but I cannot imagine a day without that steady purr or the sense that I'm being watched through those seemingly closed eyes.

A Moment of Spring Madness!! =}

2009-04-03T15:26:00.000-07:00

Wow, today was a beautiful day! It was 73, mostly sunny and windy!! I have been busy lately trying to get scrapbooks, paperwork and the such caught up. I couldn't figure out why, why I felt compelled to get it all done. Then it hit me...SPRING!!! I love the comfort and feel of a totally clean home, to be able to look out windows that sparkle and shine. The weird thing is that I actually like to do the cleaning!

It is so funny to see Amber roll her eyes when I speak, excitedly, about straightening and throwing things away. Her response is usually, "Go do that in EC's room". Ha ha, it will happen in all! Slowly, but surely before the end of the month the home shall again be deep clean. No more peering through windows dotted with kitty nose prints, or seeing the occasional fur 'tumble-weed'! No! Rejoice! For Spring is here and dirt beware, I am on a mission!!!

I once was...

2009-03-15T18:22:00.000-07:00

Today's sermon was personal. He spoke on the passage of the blind man that was given his sight. Pastor Rob has a unique way of getting the message across. Not all people like to be told something straight up, but like he said, most of the time that is what we need. He has no trouble laying it on the line, I like that.

The theme for March is 'You already know enough'. He ran a clip from Sony showing how fast technology is moving and how things that we take for granted today may not be around tomorrow. The point was that the gospel is simple WE make it complicated. It should be very easy to share Jesus with others around us. Just be ourselves and THAT will speak volumes. We are to meet people's needs in every day events, not being self-righteous.

My title is 'I once was...', at the end he was showing us that we all have a testimony to share, to bring someone to Christ. I was thinking about that while he was going around the sanctuary with the mic (hoping he wouldn't choose me), he asked where we were and where we are now. To me that is a hard question. I hear people tell of their testimonies and it is like they have one turning point in their lives. Like they only had one problem and once they turned it over to God it was all good. I don't have that type of simplicity in my life.

Now do not get me wrong, I, by the grace of God, am so far from where I was. But to pinpoint ONE turning point for me would be impossible. The Lord has brought me through so many things, how do I list them?

I once was... Now I'm...
lost....found
broken.... made whole
abuse.... protected
alone...in a family
despised.... loved
beaten ....healed
destructive....constructive
bitter....blessed (this one was stated @ church)

The list can go on and on. I do have a testimony, but it's complicated. My fear is that if I were to share my full testimony it would turn others away from me. They would look at me differently. I know that everyone walks through things for a reason, I am just scared that I will not be strong enough to know why I have walked the road that I have.

For me when the blind man said, 'I was blind, but now I see' that reflects heart knowledge, not just physical sight. I have had blinders removed, but it's like they were removed in layers, I still had to endure certain things, but there was a dim light at the end. That light kept growing stronger and stronger, I would love for it to be a brilliant white. I wonder though, what is required of me at this time, who am I to speak to, to share that a life that was tainted can be washed white as snow. There is a hope, a light at the end...Jesus

Ten Feet Tall

2009-03-08T19:17:00.000-07:00

Have you ever stopped to think about how you see other people? That sounds random, but humor me a moment...close your eyes and think of someone, someone that you truly respect. How do you see them in terms of height? Do you envision yourself looking up or down to them?

Now I am tall, almost 5' 9" (when I actually stand up straight). I recently realized that even though I am tall there are people shorter than me that I look up to.

I have a dear friend that I truly thought was taller than I am. I was awestruck at the fact that she is around 3" shorter! In my eyes she stands head and shoulders taller than those around her. Why? Because she is honest, true, real, her life reflects her faith, her children reflect her love, her marriage reflects her devotion, her friendships reflect her heart.

I have been having a hard time expressing myself in this. My goal is for people to realize that no matter our physical height, we should strive for our lives/actions to reflect that of someone worth looking up to. Not for arrogance or pride, but for the fact that there is always someone looking at you. Will you be an example in the positive or will your actions speak negatively of your beliefs?

Nosiness-More Counseling Needed

2009-02-21T15:27:00.000-08:00

I read in a women's magazine today...that's weird for me. Any who, someone had written in to an advise column about not being able to be happy for her friends blessings. Being the nosey person that I am =^) I read on, what I read was not what I had expected...

...the 25 year old woman had been through a rough break up and after the fact found out that she was pregnant. Unfortunately she had an abortion. Now, a year later, she has close friends that are having babies and she couldn't be happy for them. She also didn't want to go to the showers and get-togethers. There was too much pain and jealousy.

The columnist was wise in her advise of not pushing her to go and gave her several nice 'outs' to do/say to her friends. My biggest disappointment was that there was no mention of true healing or seeking guidance other than general counseling. My heart went out to this young woman, knowing that unless she sought proper help she would carry her hurt and guilty feelings for the rest of her life!

We all make choices in life that we regret later on, some are simple 'oofs' and others greatly effect every aspect and fiber of our lives. When the latter occur we must seek proper guidance and actually follow through for a true healing. Now, no one forgets or gets over something as emotional as an abortion. No one should ever think of telling a post-abortive woman that it is time to move on. I know this all too well.

I can look back on things that seemed irrelevant to that one single act, but in reality they were connected. Healing must come in order to live a totally productive life. I feel so badly for that young woman, I pray that she gets the counseling and ministering that she needs. It's not just that she needs to be able to deal with her own loss and be glad for others, she needs true healing and seek forgiveness. God knows her heart, I pray that she experiences His.

Legacy of Laughter

2009-02-21T15:15:00.000-08:00

I often wonder what legacy I will leave. I am not a very important person, I am a regular mom and wife. I want more for my children than I had and I am very proud of them. But what am I leaving them?

Money is not an option, I don't have an abundance of it and honestly it really doesn't mean too much to me. My family's salvation and health are top priorities. I think of how I interact with my kids...I really make them laugh! I think that I also make them think. That is what amazes me.

All my life I've been taught that you have to be serious and make people think highly of you. I cannot stand being too serious. To me life is too short to not find humor in almost everything.

Maybe that is it...I am leaving them a legacy of laughter, love, and faith.

I don't think that is too bad.

Continued Blessings

2009-01-31T04:57:00.000-08:00

As January is coming to a close, I pause to think back over the month. God is awesome! That is truly the total definition of all the things that run through my mind. I share very little with the people around me of all the things that occur in my life, but God, I pour it all out on Him and beg, beg for rescue, beg for miracles, beg for His wisdom...

In my prayer journal I always start off with thanksgiving. Sometimes I know exactly what He has done and I am able to be specific. Other times, in the midst, I thank Him for what I can't see. Today I can see many times that He has sheltered me, guarded me, held me...God is awesome!

Give thanks today, because even if you cannot see or know what He is doing, He is still there standing in your defense. Loving us even when we don't deserve it. Have a blessed day.

Live Family Is More Important

2009-01-12T20:25:00.000-08:00

I have always been intrigued by genealogy. I would love to have the time, knowledge and money to be able to trace families. I think I am more interested because my mom was adopted when she was three and knows nothing of the other 13 siblings and 6 half-siblings. Yes, she was number 14 and her mom died at her birth. Her dad re-married and had 6 more children with his second wife. So I have many family members floating around without a clue of who they are. Since my mom's name was changed at the adoption things are even more challenging.

Any who, ancestry.com has a free trial, so I took advantage of the perks. I have had a great time, when I can squeeze the time in. I already had an extensive genealogy of my father's family back to the 1730's (from Germany, Ireland, France to name a few). But mom's never went beyond her, my grandmother that I only saw 4 or 5 times and a grandfather that I never met. To compound my disappointment, my dysfunctional family loomed at me from my computer screen screaming, "NO ONE CARES TO FILL IN THE EMPTY BLANKS! WHY DO YOU EVEN BOTHER?!"

I sat and stewed for a while then it hit me, my family that is here with me is what matters. Yes, I love the tracing and seeing where and how we got here, but they are dead. Ernie, EC, Amber are here with me. My parents are alive, they may not associate, but I can still pray for their salvation, call to make sure they are still breathing, the dead are gone. If no one else wants to sit and fill in blanks with me that is fine, because I will live so that my children don't have to be frustrated or have holes. As long as they are with me I will make the time to love them, share with them, and show them that I love them. When my time here is over, I want them to know that I loved them and I want them to have felt that too.

Live family is more important than dates and lineage of dead relatives. I won't waste too much time on what's not important.

Restored Passion and Dreams

2009-01-09T12:15:00.000-08:00

I have been pondering a question, a question that has been thrown at me a lot lately. Maybe not directly, but God has a way of snapping us out of stupor. The question has caused me to truly look at my life and see it for what it has been, and for what I will do with it for God's glory.

What were my dreams and God-given passions?

Over the years I have allowed the day-to-day disappointments to bury the dreams and passions that God gave me long ago. Now, long ago I didn't realize that they were from Him because I didn't know Him. But I have been thinking and praying for God to lift all the years of wasted time and disappointments so that I can again, catch a glimpse of what He had instilled in me.

I will admit that I haven't always been happy with God about the life that I was given. The old saying that 'life is tough' is a small tap on the hand of my life. But I was reminded, my someone I love dearly, that there is a reason for everything we walk through. How can I give glory to God in reflection of what I have been through? If I do not share and help others, then I have not given the proper honor to my heavenly Father who brought me through, up and out of all the hardships that made up my life.

So, there may be little snippets scattered in my blog pertaining to different subjects. Some subjects may seem droll, others may completely shock your socks off. Please know that whatever I write will be for God's glory and to help someone else that may be blindly stumbling through, or who may need to see that one can survive.

There are many levels of survival. I have recently discovered that, and I want to move on to the next level. I'm tired of 'just hanging on'. God has something better for me and I want to make every effort to grab hold of all that He has and bring along as many others as I can. For His glory. Love to all....

In Season

2009-01-09T12:07:00.000-08:00

There are people in our lives that God places for comfort. He places people in our lives for a multitude of reasons actually. Sometimes I think of people that I haven't seen or spoken to in years and wonder why. I think about the people that move away and we loose touch with. Then I remember different things that were going on at those particular times of friendship, and realize that we were in 'season' at that time.

We can be in 'season' for others and really not know it until much later. Maybe we'll remember a statement that was made, a statement that, at the time, seemed odd but now was the perfect tidbit. We need to always be aware of what we say to everyone, our tidbits need to help and heal not crush and belittle.

Updates and Thanksgiving for Amber & EC

2009-01-09T11:58:00.000-08:00

Well, EC made it back to PA before any bad weather happened. I always worry, yes, I know I'm not supposed to. But, he is my son and I worry! He was happy to get on campus early so that he could work for 2 1/2 days before everyone else came in. Since he works in the mail room he has LOTS to do before the student body comes back. I'm excited for him because two more of his close friends are enrolled this semester, yeah!

Amber has been a bit down. the news on her foot was not what we wanted. Surgery is a reality, although not any time soon. We will get a second opinion, just to be sure, but if the end result is the same then Amber will do strengthening exercises and the surgery will be something later in life. She is extremely excited about riding lessons starting next week! She will be wearing a brace and having a great time!

I am so blessed with my children. They are truly a gift I do not deserve. All thanks I give to my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ!

A New Year

2009-01-03T15:33:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year! Isn't it amazing how it is already the third of January. Time is moving right along.

With this passing of time it is getting ever so close to EC's departure, again. I am happy for him since he has more friends attending college with him this semester. He has made so many new friends form all over the east coast. I love to check out their facebook pages. That really makes me sound so high-tech, but I'm quite the opposite!

Amber was able to get her cast off a week early and was thrilled to be able to attend the lock-in without crutches. She seemed to have a great time and was happy that a 'certain someone' was there. I'm not allowed to say more...lol. She also has an opportunity to go to PA this spring with one of her friends for 2-4 weeks while the friend trains a horse. That is so exciting. I will miss her something terrible, but she will have an awesome time. I love for the kids to experience different things in life.

Ernie is busy with work, as usual. He can always find something to do, and does a great job at it. We are not sure when the next mission trip will take place, but I'm sure it will be soon. God always has a way of providing when it is for His glory.

I pray you all a blessed and prosperous new year. Walk with Him and you shall be truly blessed.

Random thoughts

2008-12-03T13:55:00.000-08:00

Busy, busy! EC came home for Thanksgiving and brought two of his friends from college. It's always nice to meet the people your children are with. It was so nice to have him home (he hasn't been here since 8/22). It seemed as though he slept a lot, but if home is where he gathers his strength then so be it. It was sad to see him leave on Sunday, but he gave Felicia a ride back to school also so it was a fun ride for them all. If all goes well he will be here to see the musical.

Sometimes I wonder why I blog. I've never been a person that laid their life out before others, so why does this seem OK? I often worry that I will reveal too much, or embarrass my family. Then I remember that I can delete if any complaints arise.

There are many uncertainties in this life. I have many concerns right now that can only be cured with prayer. Please, as you read, agree with me that God will intervene for me/us on some serious issues. Without His intervention I do not know what we will do. I know our needs, and they are overwhelming for the most part. But then I think of others that we know that are going through things and ours pales in comparison. Now, I say that but also think, "my need is still real and still serious". I know that we are to trust. I do, but I also can't shut down my thoughts.

I know this is random, but the only way I can think is to let a little out of the noggin so I have room to do so. I had an MRI yesterday, a follow-up one, maybe the doc can gather more info from these new films. I'll just have to wait and see. Trust, wait...the ultimate tests for me.

Update on Amber

2008-11-24T17:53:00.001-08:00

The time is flying by...Amber had the MRI and foot doc said that he would put her in a cast until January and go from there. The goal is that her body will heal itself. So that is the prayer, please agree with us on that.

She is getting around on her crutches, slow but moving! She was a little bummed about not being able to do anything this fall, but I think she will eventually cheer up.

My Child's Pain

2008-11-13T14:40:00.000-08:00

My Amber is in pain right now. That breaks my heart so badly. Let me share a bit about my Amber, she is a beautiful, funny, talented young lady. She loves horses, sports and a special guy from all the way back in first grade. I'm not allowed to speak on that though, lol. I would not have the ability to tell you all the wonderful things about Amber, but right now she is in pain...

...Amber plays softball, volleyball and basketball, and she'll ride horse (prefers English) whenever she can. She has endured some injuries throughout her life in sports, but was never deterred from playing, if anything her injuries made her more determined to play. Tough girl.

At the end of softball season this summer she developed a tender right foot. X-rays showed no breaks and the diagnosis was a soft tissue injury from overuse. She followed the directions of the doc and when August came she played volleyball, with a brace. The pain was still there, but the brace helped and she still followed all advice.

So, volleyball ends and basketball practice began last week. Amber only made it through three practices.

Last Thursday she came limping out of practice, still grinning, but in pain. She did the R-I-C-E thing: Rest, Ice, Compress, Elevation. But Friday afternoon I spotted a giant purple bruise on the inside of her foot, she couldn't be seen at the doc's office and since she was able to walk a Monday appointment was made. In the meantime I made her an appointment with a Podiatrist for Tuesday, just in case.

Well, the PCP said that it was a hematoma from a blow to the foot, most likely from overuse again. They did do blood work mainly because Amber is right at the cusp of being a diabetic, but all was well with her clotting. I informed him that she was seeing a Podiatrist the next day.

After a series of new x-rays on Tuesday, the foot doc said the worst thing her could to my Amber, "Your basketball season ends now." I don't know which pain was worse at that point. The horrible pain she felt in her foot, or the devastation on her face. She knows this is a reality, but it still hurts.

My Amber has a fractured small bone and a torn tendon, the one that allows you to flex properly when you walk. Foot doc told her that this injury is what ends professional players' careers. It can be fixed, but the bone must be removed and the tendon re-attached. She is in a weight-bearing walking cast right now until all arrangements can be made. Monday she'll have an MRI and we'll know from then.

My Amber is in pain, the foot pain will be alleviated, but not the pain in her 16 year old heart about her beloved basketball. She has the most wonderful coach though, she is having Amber be her Manager this season, Yeah. She'll keep stats, and be there for her team mates. She'll be with her friends to cheer, encourage and enjoy. She is a wonderful young lady. I love her so much.

Thought Provoking E-mail

2008-11-03T18:49:00.000-08:00

This was sent to me and I thought is was a very good read, one that makes you think. Enjoy...

There was a blind girl who hated herself because she was blind. She hated everyone, except her loving boyfriend. He was always there for her. She told her boyfriend, 'If I could only see the world, I will marry you.'

One day, someone donated a pair of eyes to her. When the bandages came off, she was able to see everything, including her boyfriend.

He asked her,'Now that you can see the world, will you marry me?' The girl looked at her boyfriend and saw that he was blind. The sight of his closed eyelids shocked her. She hadn't expected that. The thought of looking at them the rest of her life led her to refuse to marry him.

Her boyfriend left in tears and days later had a note delivered to her saying: 'Take good care of your eyes, my dear, for before they were yours, they were mine.'

This is how the human brain often works when our status changes. Only a very few remember what life was like before, and who was always by their side in the most painful situations.

Life Is a Gift

Today before you say an unkind word - Think of someone who can't speak.

Before you complain about the taste of your food - Think of someone who has nothing to eat.

Today before you complain about life - Think of someone who went too early to heaven.

Before whining about the distance you drive Think of someone who walks the same distance with their feet.

And when you are tired and complain about your job - Think of the unemployed, the disabled, and those who wish they had your job.

And when depressing thoughts seem to get you down - Put a smile on your face and think: you're alive and still around.

Learning to listen

2008-11-01T20:55:00.000-07:00

I was thinking earlier of a dear friend of mine. I have very few people in my life that I truly enjoy being around (other than family). You know, some people you can tolerate for a while, but this lady I look forward to being with. Anyway, I haven't seen her for a couple weeks and realized just how much her company means to me.

Each of us should look at our friends, acquaintances, people we chat with and really look into them. Do we just talk to them or gossip with them or do we speak into each other's lives. There are times when it is our responsibility to speak and others when it is our turn to listen. I have to admit, I don't listen very well. It has always been a weakness, probably from my lack of trust. But with Annie I am glued to her words. Her words are truth with love.

Humble, that is her way. I have learned much from my friend, I miss seeing her. I'll have to give her a big hug tomorrow @ church.

General Updates

2008-10-15T19:34:00.000-07:00

Wow, I can't believe its been this long! Things have been busy, busy! Ernie and the team made it back safe and sound, some were a little sick, but that is to be expected. Ernie goes for a follow up tomorrow from hernia surgery prior to the trip and I'm having the doc check him for any other concerns.

I really don't know where to start, there are so many things running through my mind that it's hard to begin. I am thankful to God for the team being a blessing to their new friends in Kenya and for their safe return. I was amazed by the photos and stories from their trip. We are truly blessed, even if we don't always see it.

Amber has made a new friend and I am so excited for her. For those who do not know Amber she is an awesome friend. She is not a drama queen and she's your friend everyday, not just when you kiss up to her. That may sound rude, but it's the only way to put it. She is real and would love for everyone else to be too. The volleyball season has come to a close and basketball will be gearing up! Always going! In it all Amber keeps up with her school work too, it's hard to believe she's a Junior and is almost 16! Where has the time gone?!?!?

EC is having a ball in college, he didn't come home for fall break, but that's OK we'll see him soon. He went with two friends to Intercourse, PA and took some awesome photos of the country-side. He also went to Jersey for a couple days with one of his buddies. All in all he is living the college dream. Decent classes, not too demanding job, lots of good Christian friends.

Ernie is getting back into the swing of being home, he'll be better when the doc gives him some meds. Sometimes he doesn't know when to rest or just let something be, but at least he isn't a bum!! I feel bad for him though, he has to replace a part on his truck in the morning before we head to the doctor's office. Plus he has some sinus stuff going on too. Keep him in prayer, thank you.

Love to all!

A New Revelation!

2008-09-30T05:02:00.000-07:00

I'm very excited today! That's big, since I'm usually very low-key. Ernie will be home from Kenya tonight! I've been going over my lists (those who know me know that I don't breathe without one) making sure that I haven't forgotten anything that I need to have done. That may sound odd, but I know Ernie. It will make him more at ease if when we pull into the drive, he doesn't see things that need to be done. If everything is taken care of then he won't feel guilty about having to take a few days to get on EST.

I can't wait to hear about all that they did, see the pictures that he has taken, and just listen. I have really missed his voice. Amber was looking at my cell phone, going through the settings, and she came across voice recordings. I didn't know that I had one of Ernie saying, "Hey honey, pick up the phone". I played it a few times just to hear him. I am anticipating his call from the airport.

This last week+ has been an awakening of sorts for me. I always have this front of tough, self-sufficient, 'I am capable and will manage on my own' attitude. That may be true to a point, but first and foremost without God I can't do anything! But I also realized that, yes, I am capable of carrying out most tasks on my own, but I actually got lonely! Me! Ms, 'I want some peace and quiet' and ,'I wonder what its like to be alone'. It was a new experience.

Amber and I had a great time together. We went to the movies, talked, watch shows, and such, but I actually felt a void. That is something to ponder.

Well, my 'to-do' list awaits, only 10 things left!!!! The day is young, I shall complete my tasks. Until you read again...

Time Flies

2008-09-19T16:26:00.001-07:00

Wow, time sure does fly by. Unless you have something that brings you to the realization that your kids are growing up, you really don't notice too much of a change in the day-to-day.

A couple days ago Ernie and I were going through some things that needed to go to the yard-sale or donate and he came across a camcorder. His memory was sparked about those tapes and what may be on them. So we watched them with tear filled eyes.

The tapes held Christmas mornings, birthdays and funny times. To see our 19 year old son at 8 years old again-WOW-when did he turn into the college man he is today? And Amber, now almost 16, be that sassy, energetic 4 year old! The sound of their voices and little mannerisms that stayed. We were mesmerized by times that we never thought would change. Our children constantly with us.

But they grow up and, if we do them any justice, they stand on their own as contributing members of society. I am so very proud of my children, they are my heart.

What's a Priority in Your Life?

2008-09-11T17:16:00.000-07:00

Quite recently I was talking to someone about what we put our energy into. We all have the choice of what we choose to devote our time, talent and energy to. We need to think about what is important and what is just something to do.

Now in saying that I realize that one person's priority may be another's nothing. Again, we are all different and our lives do not all line up the same. But, there are some simple no-brainers that we all need to consider.

Our faith for instance, those of us that are followers of Jesus Christ should make a designated amount of time daily to be with Him. If we are wise we will know that we are not going to be able to make it without him, especially in the tough times. So for me this one is a priority, it's not always easy and I often don't practice what I preach, but I do try.

But faith aside. Where do we place our energy? I believe that family is next in line. Our children deserve their parents' time. They need to know that they are loved and are important, now there is a line, as with all things, children can become overly demanding and nasty brats.

Parents need their own time together to be able to re-connect and be on the same wave length. Sometimes the kids intrude on that and everyone needs to understand that no one is being neglected, everyone needs to be able to share the other people with each other. That's called 'family'.

Reality makes us have responsibilities to jobs and the like. But, God & family must be first and foremost. Take the time to let your family know that you love them.

Warm Memories

2008-09-06T14:57:00.000-07:00

In high school I didn't have many friends. I had acquaintances, people that I saw in class, the halls, at the skating rink, or a party, but not true friends... except, Renee. Renee was a true friend, I pretty much lived at her house for almost four years. Her mom was the mom I didn't have and she was, well, my sis. She was the only person that I could talk to or trust.

When I was 17, I moved out of my parents' house and moved in with Ernie. Renee came by when ever she could. When we moved out of the area we still kept in touch. When she moved to the beach we still kept in touch. I went to her wedding in 1989, (Ernie and I had been married for 2 years), and it was like old times.

We lost touch for a few years, then after our car accident in 1994, she came by the house and we reminisced. She had gotten divorced, I had EC & Amber and a few foster kids. I was in a wheelchair due to the accident and I really wanted to be able to go to lunch and talk, but that was not possible. That was the last time I saw her. We talked on the phone a few times, but that was it.

Before we moved to the country in '96, she called and said that she was pregnant and wanted me to come to the baby shower. I was so excited to be able to see her. Well, due to uncontrollable circumstances, I didn't make it to the shower. I also didn't have any way of contacting her. That was 12 years ago.

I found her today!!

Well, I found her mom who is getting her my info. I am so excited! I have friends now, but Renee is a beacon from a very dark past. When I think of my pre-teen and teen years there aren't too many warm thoughts or memories, but with her memory there is a sense of acceptance.

I really don't know why I am sharing this. I have wonderful friends at this stage of my life, true, caring friends-but I suppose I need that connection from my past. Not to return to it, but to see some part of it that didn't hurt. Make sense?

I am hoping to hear from her tonight. I want to know everything that I have missed. I want to share with her my faith, family and warm memories. My life now is a 180 of when I was a teen, maybe I want to make sure hers is too.

Escalator Issues

2008-09-04T19:51:00.000-07:00

OK, this is funny! As most of you know EC is in PA at Valley Forge, well up there is this huge mall, King of Prussia. Several layers, parking decks, you name it (I am only relaying what I have heard ,I don't do malls). Anyway, EC and about 6 of his friends went there last weekend and had a blast as only college kids can.

EC, being himself, decided to go up the down escalator and try to beat his normal friends up that were on the correct escalator. He did just that and was 'moon walking' at the top making a point that he was waiting on them. Well, the inevitable happened, he tripped! Now, he did not get hurt, but think...escalators don't care if you are tripping on them, they have no compassion, they just keep popping their little steps out of nowhere in quite succession. And EC continued to trip on each and every one of them!!!!

His friends, after realizing that he was fine, found this to be hysterical. Glad I wasn't there, lol!

But anyway,now there is a running joke up there about EC not being able to take the escalator. One of his friends, Rachel, the next day had tripped up the dorm steps and EC said, "You're so clumsy you probably trip down steps too". To that she responded, "At least I don't trip up escalators!"

Ah, to be young again and not really care if we look foolish!! I'd love to be that way again!

ALL PARTICIPANTS WILL BE GIVEN A GIFT FOR THEIR DONATION

2008-09-04T19:00:00.000-07:00

I try to not get really mad or irritated about things. I know that I have an extremely short fuse and very little civility when I get riled up. You know, the tongue gets sharp and the brain goes numb! Better known as engaging the mouth before the brain...any who

Today was Ernie's follow-up appointment from surgery (all is good, he goes back in 2 weeks to get clear to go to Kenya). So after the appointment we went to Ukrop's for the salad bar, yum! It was a really nice lunch, we discussed the kids and school, etc. Then it was potty time before we hit the road for another 45 minutes. This is where my irritation happened...

...OK, I'm on the potty, out of habit I scan the walls (I'm a mom-the kids can't read a lot of that stuff!) thankfully there was nothing offensive. What I did have to read was a flier for a blood drive scheduled for next week. I was very happy about that. For those who do not know, I am alive partly because people donated blood and I needed it in '94. So I am an advocate for blood drives.

Sorry I got a little off track. Well the flier is well done, grabbed your attention, got to the point, not too much color. Then it happened, at the bottom, in bold letters-

"ALL PARTICIPANTS WILL BE GIVEN A GIFT FOR THEIR DONATION"

Given a GIFT! Have we become so selfish that the Blood Bank has to bribe us for our blood?! The thought that our blood could save a life should be sufficient! A band-aid on the spot should be sufficient, a cookie and glass of orange juice should suffice!!

This may sound irrational to some, but the thought that just doing something for the greater good is not enough boggles my mind! Now I know that the majority of people who donate do not do it for material gain, but that statement hit a nerve, obviously. Oh course, this should make us think...

...do we give a little more to a charity to have our name on a special board out front, boast loudly that we were responsible for the construction of _______________ (fill in the blank), donate the funds for a school or library ONLY if it dons our name. Or do we give and do what we know we can just because, or even request that our name not be mentioned if we are able to bless in abundance?

It's not about us! Just as Jesus said about the Pharisees and their long, loud prayers, that was their reward, to be heard and thought highly of by man! Do we want our reward from men? What is that?

We should give as we have been given. Whether it is of our money, time, talent, or blood! Please consider doing something today to benefit someone just because it will.

Thank you for letting me rant! Love to all!

Priceless Gems

2008-09-02T19:12:00.001-07:00

We all have people that we call our 'friends'. Some are blessed with a multitude of people in their circle that are 'friends'. If we step back and take a good look at the people in our 'circle' we may find that only a choice few are priceless gems.

I have been blessed in recent years to have a few priceless gems in my life. One in particular is a radiant beam of sunshine to me. Not only is she wise, loving, nurturing and thoughtful, she is honest and true. Her emails to me touch me and warm my heart, she lets me know that she is truly my friend. I pray that I can be that kind of friend to her.

If we all strive to make another feel loved, cherished, and worth our time so much pain could be avoided.

I am very grateful for 'Annie', I love her dearly. She is a priceless gem, a gift from God.

Reflections

2008-09-01T18:15:00.000-07:00

Today was a very refreshing day. I responded to an email from a friend in high school. We talked about kids and things. I got to thinking about all the different things I have experienced in my life.

In my adult life I have been a wife, mother (step, biological, foster), friend, survivor of a severe auto accident, held various jobs in social services, manufactured housing industry, day care, been a volunteer at a crisis pregnancy center, been a college student. These are only a few and they are not necessarily in chronological order. I wonder as I look at this list if I fulfilled the purpose I was placed in each position for.

God has a purpose for each of us, and I believe that if we do not do what he wants us to do in a specific role He will re-place us in that role. His will will always be done. I am not reflecting on these roles in a worrisome way. I believe that I, with God's help, will try from this time on to really pay attention to whether a role is of me or of Him. We are not here for 'nuttin'!

At Peace with Change

2008-08-31T16:09:00.000-07:00

Change is inevitable. The older I get the more I realize that I need to trust God more and not get so upset by change. In my self-preservation I have, unknowingly, become a warden of sorts to keep everything the same, to keep me safe. Through trials and friendships I have been able to slowly, ever-so-slowly, release my hand from people and events, and to be quite honest, when I do that, things go so much more smoothly!

Last week we took our son, EC, to college. I had mixed emotions with this, on one hand he needed to go and on the other, he is my son. In my effort to protect and guide my children I found it very hard to realease him. I know that God has a calling on his life and he is where he is supposed to be. I've realized that I did the part I was instructed to do, to raise him up according to the Word. Now I must trust. That is where I fall short.

I am getting better with the trust issue. Through prayer and reading I have been able to release more and in reality have more peace. Sometimes I wonder what has taken me so long! I feel the peace and think, "OK, why didn't you do that sooner?!?"